Being competitive is not as good as you may think…
Unless you learn how to focus.
The thing about competition is that it usually involves pride. And if you want to be the best, your pride may be your worst enemy, because in this fast paced life of ours you’re always competing for something. If you’re proud, you’re always trying to be the best.
Once you realize that you don’t have to be the best at everything, you will be the best at something.
Don’t overcompete. It’s only when you focus, that you will thrive.
(And yes, this applies to business too).
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
I took the personality test in Marcus Buckingham’s book ( I forget which one, but it was a great test), and my #1 strength was competition. And I agree with you because as competitive as I am in the past, I’ve tried to spread myself too thin. I’m certain the reason I made great grades all the way through school was because I wanted my parents to be proud and because I couldn’t stand if someone got a higher grade on me on something (Yes, I was that guy.)
I guess the point is sometimes I look back and wonder how good of a ball player I could’ve been had I made C’s like my college buddies, and devoted all that time spent studying on taking endless hours of batting practice. You have to pick your battles, and you have to concede with humility when you lose a battle. That’s another reason why it’s so important to focus.
So many competitive people become completely impossible to have a conversation with because they have to ‘flex their muscle’ in every conversation and insist they’re right. Sometimes it’s about being right, but most of the time it’s not. Sometimes winning is the only thing that matters, but most of the time it’s not. So focus like a laser when it is, and take a step back and enjoy yourself when it isn’t.
This response isn’t very focused.
I learned this playing soccer. Sports is a great way to realize it, since there’s always going to be a bigger fish. It’s about being the best at something, and being what you are at the rest while enjoying it.
Such true commentary. As a competitive person myself, you are right, I am ALWAYS struggling to be the best in things. I take a lot of pride in my work and I expect others to notice the things I do. That being said, I’m am exhausted a good part of the time. And there are things (most interpersonal relationships, off the top of my head) that suffer because focusing on a lot of things, as you mentioned, makes you not very good at some of them.
That being said, as a competitive person I also can’t stand to let myself settle or fall into a lull of complacency as I see other people do. Those who take absolutely NO pride in things. I will agree that while many of us (I shall be on the poster for them) need to step back and breath and perhaps focus a little more, there are also some who need to choose to perhaps remove themselves from a battle they no longer wish to fight or maybe reassess their battle plan. Cause while pride will eat at a person, so will shame.
It’s ok to be proud. You have to be. Just not at everything.
And yes, some people settle. So what? They wouldn’t even feel related to you or this post. You just focus Elisa.
This is true…I rub a lot of people the wrong way upon first meeting me, partially for these reasons. I try to tame this more and more, but at the same time can’t “settle” to be something I’m not. That being said, I am tempering out as I read Owl Sparks more and more…friends are getting feisty over my less is more thoughts and I keep saying “Blame Carlos.”
“while pride will eat at a person, so will shame”
Very true. I’ve been competitive/perfectionist in the past – I now make a conscious effort not to be, as Carlos is right – you can end up spreading yourself too thinly. But it’s a fine line to walk and sometimes I find myself frustrated that I’ve fallen the wrong side of it – either side.
I’ve learnt that some of the things I really wanted to be the best at, I’m now content to be competent at. Because it frees me up to do the things I really want to do. That’s pretty liberating.
Good post Carlos – thank you
As I grew up I started to shy away from competition because I found it so painful to lose. I used to infer my own worth based on how I did in comparison to others, which made it so important to be better. Whenever it was easy to beat everyone, I would be in there, take the win and revel in the accolades. But when there was a good chance I’d lose, I’d stay clear, because I was scared that to lose meant that I was worth less than if I didn’t win. I passed up all kinds of scholarships and other opportunities because I thought I was risking my whole SELF in the game.
Now I see competition as a state of mind. These days, for me, it has nothing to do with how my results stack up against others. The results are what they are, and I like life better when I’m in the game, win or lose.
It’s a shame you missed out on all those opportunities. Competition for the sake of competition is a wonderful thing. You always have to give your best, but that doesn’t mean you have to be the best.
If it helps, I don’t think you have this problem David, you seem like a pretty balanced guy.
Thanks Carlos. I’m fairly stable now but I was really out of whack for a long time.
I couldn’t agree more. Don’t let pride blind you from reality. And yes, picking your battles is critical if you want to be successful. Sometimes you have to let others win in the short-term so that it makes the longer road easier to walk.
Does competition with others ever really exist? I thought the battle was always within, and to conquer oneself. In a 20 mile race for example, is the real battle to finish first place in front of the other runners or is it to work up the discipline and train for a, let’s say, 50-mile race and then when it comes down to running a 20-mile race, well you already should have that battle won. The most prepared guy always wins, of course, you never know how much more prepared the other guy is.