Comments on: Choose Your Battles

By: robert

robert — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 10:14:51 +0000

Does competition with others ever really exist? I thought the battle was always within, and to conquer oneself. In a 20 mile race for example, is the real battle to finish first place in front of the other runners or is it to work up the discipline and train for a, let’s say, 50-mile race and then when it comes down to running a 20-mile race, well you already should have that battle won. The most prepared guy always wins, of course, you never know how much more prepared the other guy is.

By: David Cain

David Cain — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 01:23:58 +0000

Thanks Carlos. I’m fairly stable now but I was really out of whack for a long time.

By: John Traveler

John Traveler — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 21:01:43 +0000

I couldn’t agree more. Don’t let pride blind you from reality. And yes, picking your battles is critical if you want to be successful. Sometimes you have to let others win in the short-term so that it makes the longer road easier to walk.

By: Carlos Miceli

Carlos Miceli — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 18:55:02 +0000

It’s a shame you missed out on all those opportunities. Competition for the sake of competition is a wonderful thing. You always have to give your best, but that doesn’t mean you have to be the best.

If it helps, I don’t think you have this problem David, you seem like a pretty balanced guy.

By: Elisa

Elisa — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 18:47:28 +0000

This is true…I rub a lot of people the wrong way upon first meeting me, partially for these reasons. I try to tame this more and more, but at the same time can’t “settle” to be something I’m not. That being said, I am tempering out as I read Owl Sparks more and more…friends are getting feisty over my less is more thoughts and I keep saying “Blame Carlos.”

By: David Cain

David Cain — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 16:46:31 +0000

As I grew up I started to shy away from competition because I found it so painful to lose. I used to infer my own worth based on how I did in comparison to others, which made it so important to be better. Whenever it was easy to beat everyone, I would be in there, take the win and revel in the accolades. But when there was a good chance I’d lose, I’d stay clear, because I was scared that to lose meant that I was worth less than if I didn’t win. I passed up all kinds of scholarships and other opportunities because I thought I was risking my whole SELF in the game.

Now I see competition as a state of mind. These days, for me, it has nothing to do with how my results stack up against others. The results are what they are, and I like life better when I’m in the game, win or lose.

By: oneredsock

oneredsock — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 15:47:58 +0000

“while pride will eat at a person, so will shame”

Very true. I’ve been competitive/perfectionist in the past – I now make a conscious effort not to be, as Carlos is right – you can end up spreading yourself too thinly. But it’s a fine line to walk and sometimes I find myself frustrated that I’ve fallen the wrong side of it – either side.
I’ve learnt that some of the things I really wanted to be the best at, I’m now content to be competent at. Because it frees me up to do the things I really want to do. That’s pretty liberating.
Good post Carlos – thank you

By: Carlos Miceli

Carlos Miceli — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 15:40:57 +0000

It’s ok to be proud. You have to be. Just not at everything.
And yes, some people settle. So what? They wouldn’t even feel related to you or this post. You just focus Elisa.

By: Carlos Miceli

Carlos Miceli — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 15:37:04 +0000

I learned this playing soccer. Sports is a great way to realize it, since there’s always going to be a bigger fish. It’s about being the best at something, and being what you are at the rest while enjoying it.

By: Elisa

Elisa — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 15:31:26 +0000

Such true commentary. As a competitive person myself, you are right, I am ALWAYS struggling to be the best in things. I take a lot of pride in my work and I expect others to notice the things I do. That being said, I’m am exhausted a good part of the time. And there are things (most interpersonal relationships, off the top of my head) that suffer because focusing on a lot of things, as you mentioned, makes you not very good at some of them.

That being said, as a competitive person I also can’t stand to let myself settle or fall into a lull of complacency as I see other people do. Those who take absolutely NO pride in things. I will agree that while many of us (I shall be on the poster for them) need to step back and breath and perhaps focus a little more, there are also some who need to choose to perhaps remove themselves from a battle they no longer wish to fight or maybe reassess their battle plan. Cause while pride will eat at a person, so will shame.