The other day I read this quote by Will Smith:
Being realistic is the fastest way to mediocrity.
Sorry Will, but I disagree.
Realism has bad press, but it’s the best mindset to get things done.
We love to repeat over and over about how you need to stick to your dreams, about how you can accomplish anything you can imagine, and more cliche advice. This is what I call the “Disney Mentality” of our society. We don’t believe in what makes sense, we believe in what sounds good. And what sounds better than dreams? The best things happen there…
Not surprisingly, we usually don’t listen about all those dreams that never became truth, about all those “passionate” people that just failed.
There’s no merit in failing while pursuing something impossible. However, we are sticking to it.
Anything in the name of romance.
Anything in the name of this supposed heroism chasing impossibility brings.
There’s nothing easier, more mediocre and common than dreaming. Everyone has dreams. For example, it’s because of dreams that gambling works so well.
The reason we love to dream is because it gives people the feeling of acting. By keeping their dreams alive, they hold on to the idea of making them real eventually, without putting the required effort to make it happen. I may write, dream and talk about love and how I haven’t “found it” yet, but you know what might actually help? Shaving and going to the gym.
Not that romantic.
True realism does not let you dream. It needs you to act. There’s no justification for doing nothing if you are realistic, because you know that wishing and hoping gets you nowhere. True realism means seeing the world as it is, taking the good with the bad, and then doing something that can be done. It means changing what can be changed. Don’t confuse this with false realism (the most common kind), which consists on rationalizing one’s laziness.
Semantics indeed
Now, some might say that I’m sending the same message with different words.
And that’s exactly the problem.
It’s the choice of words what’s harming us.
The words and mentality that we use affect our actions. Someone who “works hard” will accomplish more than someone who “follows his passion.” The thing is, passion and dreams are much more appealing (and meaningless) concepts than hard work. This is why all these self-help books disguised as business advice are doing wonders: They are a manipulative fad that make people believe they are moving forward.
It’s by making everyone feel good about their lack of focus and concrete actions that Smith’s empty sentence sounds wise.
Bottom Line: Realism is a powerful and liberating mindset. With it, you’ll aim high and your shot will land somewhere.
{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }
How about:
“Works hard at following his passion” ?
Or like my friend said, “You gotta go for something with your heart AND your brains”
I think it’s the passion that makes the realism lighter and bearable.
I like this Hani. I believe it’s the passion that makes me work hard. The passion is what makes it seem less like work.
I think passion is overrated and it comes after you do something for a while, not before. But hey, that’s me
I really like this post, Carlos, because it kind of ties together everything we’ve been debating for months (and months). I’ll stand firm to my opinion, and I hope that you stand firm to yours…
Here’s what I think: I think the world needs dreamers. I’m not just saying that because I decidedly am one, but because I think we need people who envision a better life, who inspire us to put our minds to something and go for it, who help us feel courageous enough to be who we are and do what we love. I think that it’s our dreams that are that call to action. I don’t believe that dreams mean mediocrity. In fact, I think dreams means the possibility for something better, making us work that much harder for that goal or vision to come to fruition.
And yet. I believe we need realists, too. I believe we need those who tell us it won’t be easy, those who challenge these dreams and find the flaws and say “this is what will make it work. You have dreams? Then this is what you need to do to make them come true.”
I think we need both. I believe we are both and not just one or another. In every realist, I think there’s a dreamer. And in every dreamer, I think there’s a bit of a realist. It’s that balance that keeps the world moving forward.
You know I love debating this topic with you. We need a Skype call soon, please
I know I won’t change how you think girl, and I respect that.
Just one thought:
“I think we need people who envision a better life.”
I never said realists don’t envision better things. In fact, that’s most of what we do, but we do it following logic and possibility, instead of hope and faith.
“I never said realists don’t envision better things. In fact, that’s most of what we do, but we do it following logic and possibility, instead of hope and faith.”
Hi Carlos,
Wow!! That’s a great response, but why can’t you have BOTH logic/possibility AND hope/faith in your approach? You do realize that you are having a futile debate, though it is really well written and fun to read! Because you have basically described the two basic hemispheres of our brain, the left side being the masculine, reason, logic based, scientific, practical “realist” and the right side being all your creative, visionary, intuitive, faith-driven, feminine “dreamer” side. One is not more valid than the other. And as so many people have pointed out, you need BOTH (just like you need both hemispheres of your brain) to make up a balanced fulfilled whole.
A lot of dreamers and idealists lack the realist approach and grounded-ness to really plant their ideals and see them manifest, aka “get shit done!” They are out of balance, an extreme dreamer without any practicality to temper them. And I really appreciate that you represented this point of view so fully here. But likewise people who completely embody that other “realist” approach to the extreme, without any ideal or dream propelling them (as Will Smith so eloquently pointed out) often stumble into lackluster mediocrity, too caught up in the base bare survival mindset without any idealistic dream to temper and balance it. You must have both as both have their place. I like to think of it as one gives the structure and order and other breathes the spark of life into it.
**Also: when you, as a realist, are “envisioning a better life as that’s most of what you do” just note here that you are not actually coming from the part of you that is a realist, you are really utilizing your own dreamer/visionary here (the part of you that envisions and idealizes) because you too, realist though you are, have both capabilities.
*peace you guys, enjoy your skype debate, should be good : )
agh, I’m too much of an idealist/dreamer to agree with you!
I know, I know, I’m off to a bad start here
I’m replying to Susan because can I just say “ditto” to everything she wrote??
I think there are two types of people. Pragmatic/realist/analytical thinkers. And the romantics/idealist/dreamers. I obviously fall into the 2nd camp and YES it is all just semantics. A different way of looking at the same thing.
I don’t think you should knock off the dreamers. We have our part in the world; it is a yin and yang after all.
That being said, I’ll vouch for my dreamer mentality and my lack of focus. Ouch.
I’m not knocking off the dreamers, but I am knocking off the popular message of dreaming.
I think the yin and yang is real within each person, where you can “dream” and then be realist about it. But I don’t believe in a balance between dreamers and realists. Those extremes will simply fail.
A.) Best part of this post: “I may write, dream and talk about love and how I haven’t “found it” yet, but you know what might actually help? Shaving and going to the gym.”
B.) Do you think that part of why we don’t listen to the dreams of failure is because no one talks about it? Like if we admit out loud that we failed, then we are a failure.
Yet really, a large portion of ambition IS failure. I don’t remember who said it (Confucious maybe?) but SOMEONE once said that failure is not the falling down, but the refusal to get back up. Or something like that. That is the realism I choose to adhere to. Going after what I want, accepting the limitations and realities of my circumstances, and then making educated decisions on whether I need to stay down or instead get back up and try a different way.
The “successful” people we always see and talk about got back up after they fell, but most won’t tell the stories of the fall…only the rise.
Some people fail all the time. It would be nice if all it takes to succeed would be to just get up again, wouldn’t it?
Realistically, that’s not the case. There are entrepreneurs in my family who have never succeeded despite their constant attempts. And then there’s people like Mark Zuckerberg of Facebook. He didn’t create one single company before that one.
Some people are just lucky. But luck isn’t as glamorous and catchy when you have to tell your kid what’s the real factor behind his future success or failure.
He had to work to support his family after they were forced out of their home. 1816
His mother died. 1818
Failed in business. 1831
Was defeated for legislature. 1832
Lost his job and couldn’t get into law school. 1832
Declared bankruptcy, and spent the next 17 years of his life paying off the money
he borrowed from friends to start his business. 1833
Was defeated for legislature again. 1834
Was engaged to be married, but his sweetheart died and his heart was broken. 1835
Had a nervous breakdown and spent the next six months in bed. 1836
Was defeated in becoming the speaker of the state legislature. 1838
Was defeated in becoming elector. 1840
Was defeated for Congress 1843
Was defeated for Congress. 1846
Was defeated for Congress again. 1848
Was rejected for the job of Land Officer in his home state. 1849
Was defeated for Senate. 1854
Was defeated for Vice-President — got less than 100 votes. 1856
Was defeated for Senate for the third time. 1858
Was elected President of the United States. 1860
Abraham Lincoln
–
I don’t know why people don’t talk about the empowerment of failure. Look at YouTube, that was an internet failure before it was a success… it was a FAILED dating site, that had a gimmick that people could leave video interviews of themselves to attract a date. The dating part of the site never stuck, so the founders where a failure at their first business plan. But succeed in the end because they where completely unrealistic about their website being a success.
His mother died. 1818
Failed in business. 1831
Was defeated for legislature. 1832
Lost his job and couldn’t get into law school. 1832
Declared bankruptcy, and spent the next 17 years of his life paying off the money
he borrowed from friends to start his business. 1833
Was defeated for legislature again. 1834
Was engaged to be married, but his sweetheart died and his heart was broken. 1835
Had a nervous breakdown and spent the next six months in bed. 1836
Was defeated in becoming the speaker of the state legislature. 1838
Was defeated in becoming elector. 1840
Was defeated for Congress 1843
Was defeated for Congress. 1846
Was defeated for Congress again. 1848
Was rejected for the job of Land Officer in his home state. 1849
Was defeated for Senate. 1854
Was defeated for Vice-President — got less than 100 votes. 1856
Was defeated for Senate for the third time. 1858
A lot of nobodies you have never heard of.
Quotes are killing us…
I like the idea behind what the girl with the first comment said. I’ve been thinking about my own realism/fantacism balance. Right now I’m considering myself more realist, but both sides of the coin have huge benefits.
But when both sides are combined with a bit of harmony, the benefits greatly increase.
And have you ever listened to “Streetlight Manifesto”? You might like ‘em if you haven’t already heard them.
I’d argue that realism has more benefits, but oh well, it’s hard to force that mindset into people. You choose whatever works for you
If that harmony were so easy to achieve, we would all have it. Again, sounds beautiful but doesn’t make it true, real or possible.
Hey Carlos,
Like the post…but its not “hard to force that mindset into people”, its IMPOSSIBLE…
Also, so I think we have to keeps something in mind. 95% of people in the world are NOT looking at life like we do, and the readers of your blog (and mine) do. They are not even remotely close to conceptualizing what realism or failure or harmony is, never mind able to willing to debate its usefulness. Its just hard for me to take these conversations seriously sometimes (including the ones I start) because they apply to so few people. Even Abraham Lincoln was probably not thinking about his dreams or his level of realism. He was just going about life.
“Follow your dream” = good advice some days
“Be realistic” = good advice some days
“Don’t be afraid to fail” = good advice some days
“Play it safe” = good advice some days
and on and on
It’s hard for me to argue with such a realist
Sorry Carlos, but I disagree.
You cite Will Smith and Walt Disney as two examples. Unfortunately, they are HORRIBLE examples for you. Why? Because they were entirely unrealistic and both are far beyond mediocre.
I think the semantics comes from your translation of the word “unrealistic” into “dreams”. I think if you just “dream” that you will be less than mediocre. As dreaming means you aren’t DOING it in reality. Being unrealistic means not stopping when someone tells you it’s not possible. If you want to be better than average you have to be willing to set new standards and new boundaries.
Before 1950 even scientists thought a 4 minute mile was unrealistic. Today it is common place. ““Reasonable people adapt themselves to the world. Unreasonable people attempt to adapt the world to themselves. All progress, therefore, depends on unreasonable people.” – George Bernard Shaw
Being realistic means not stopping when someone tells you it’s not possible.
Being unrealistic means not stopping when reality tells you it’s not possible.
Subtle difference. I’m an unreasonable man, because I don’t need to reason with other people so they will agree with me. But I’m a realistic man, because life is more than just people obstacles.
As always, so freaking brilliant. So, so well said. Yes, one must dream. And, shortly thereafter, one must act. And if you fail after you act? I wouldn’t say that means your dream is impossible or unrealistic; a bigger part of success is trying a different strategy, and then another, and another, until something hits. I don’t believe in luck. Apart from faith in the Almighty, I believe in good, hard, honest work, a sound strategy, and the cojones to regroup and restrategize when what you’re doing isn’t working.
I’m an atheist, so I?m sticking with luck, but we are in the same page, sort of
Can’t agree that realism = “You’ll aim high.” Many use “realism” to justify life as sheep in the fold, not aiming high, because there’s no point: overwhelming forces will always win, so why bother?
Do agree that clear-eyed assessments of everything from raw data to gut feelings reduce the friction be- tween vision and actualization.
Re-read The Dip.
Re-read this part:
“Don’t confuse this with false realism (the most common kind), which consists on rationalizing one’s laziness.”
Hmm, I always took the quote as “Have dreams/goals.”
I always took it as him saying that when people are realistic they become pessimistic and thus see their dreams as either too far fetched or too impossible to accomplished.
I agree with you on the self help book thing, most are crap. But, I won’t say that having a “carrot” in front of you doesn’t make you pull the cart faster/better.
ps- I haven’t read the comments, so if I’m repeating… my bad.
What’s the point in running faster if you are staying still? People are going really fast in their heads, but in reality, nothing is happening…
excellent post. its a constant battle between dreamers and realists. some people say we need both. I say that most ’successful’ people are both. A dreamer who cannot act towards their dreams will achieve nothing. To execute what is needed effectively, one must have some element of realism. On the flip side, realists who dont dream will just become a worker drone who get stuff done but dont make an impact. Both words are polarities that rarely exist. And most successful people are in the middle somewhere. Defining people as one or the other is risky business. I prefer to think of it more as a scale. Neither is better but each has its own strengths and weaknesses and will perform in different situations.
Well, to each his own. I guess let us just do that effective thing that makes us go for it. The first step is usually the hardest, so start moving people!