The key to any potential relationship is expectancy reciprocity.
It applies to almost any field: love, friendship, business networking, whatever.
When previous knowledge about the other person and expectations come into play, the reciprocity is harder to maintain.
This is why I recommend to focus on people in your same level of popularity, and why reaching out to the famous and successful ones is much less effective.
This is why unawareness of somebody’s job and financial situation makes meeting with them and getting to know them a more authentic experience.
This is why even the most interest driven relationships can work so well.
There is no morality when two people decide the rules.
Nevertheless, I do advise to avoid worshiping, pleading and neediness when meeting someone new because it makes the game uneven.
Most meetings with people I looked up to were more disappointing than meetings with others in my same situation.
In fact, my most valuable connections occured when neither side had any sort of expectation at all.
Going further of either side’s expectancy disrupts the relationship’s balance. They are weak links in every sense of the word.
Colin Wright wrote a very good piece on the topic, read it here.
Also, thanks to Ryan Knapp for the discussion that sparked the post.
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Well said, sir! I’ve never been a big fan of hero-worship, either. I feel like I’m usually let down, because people who are branded as being larger than life can’t help but seem pale in comparison when you meet them in real life.
Also: thanks for the link!
I never thought about it, but you’re very right.
There are people that I look up to and seem larger than life. But usually those meetings aren’t as fulfilling or worthwhile. The connections I’ve made are because there’s something real there and we can speak to the same level. However, it’s not to say that being part of different groups of people is a bad thing. Sometimes I like to be out of my comfort zone and listen/learn from those who may not even be on the same level as me. It helps me learn and definitely understand what I want or don’t want out of life.
This is such a good post, I love it
Not a bad thing at all. But that’s not a personal, 1 on 1 connection. That’s just learning, like you learn in a classroom. Valuable, true, but not as valuable as interaction at a deeper level.
I was wondering when I was going to see this post…
You can never live up to expectations. That is always a killer.
I agree, to a point. Sometimes, we create a false sense of the “levels” of people. We assume things about the stature people carry in our lives, without actually knowing enough about them. We think that they are untouchable or unreal, but in reality it’s all the perception.
In the past two months I’ve actually had 3 people tell me that they “never thought they’d be chatting with me.” or “they’d freak out if they ever met me.” I’ll go on record now saying that while that’s sweet it’s so far into left field it isn’t even in the same neighborhood let alone ballpark. As I’m sure most anyone can attest.
I felt the same way about Rebecca Thorman though. No way I thought she’d ever come down to “my level.” I’ll admit there are no immediate plans for hairbraiding and slumber parties, we have grown an online relationship that I never imagined. And she inspires me to push myself. Which is why it sometimes IS great that you reach out. Just be realistic as well as ambitious in your contacts.
Here’s the main point: reaching out is always valuable. It definitely helps, and most people, regardless of their “level”, are open to helping others out and learning from each other. I am not questioning that.
But it’s not AS valuable as when it happens between two people in the same situation, with the same expectancy.
We all win, constantly. but some more than others.