Be transparent, they say.
Not so fast.
First of all, business transparency (a must) is not the same as personal transparency.
We want to see what’s really going on at the places we are giving money to (or thinking about it). We don’t necessarily want to know what everyone is going through, unless they are (true) friends.
Second, and most important, there’s a backlash to individual transparency: you can’t be transparent about someone else.
You see where I’m going with this, right?
Transparency means talking about you.
Maybe you will say what matters or help people that are going through the same things that you are. Or maybe you’ll just be transparently self-centered.
Holly Hoffman is an example of transparency I agree with. Penelope Trunk is not.
You decide how transparent you should be.
But let’s skip the “it’s all about balance” argument. Extremes are much more common.
Bottom Line: You don’t need to open up to be transparent. Just don’t lie.
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
Carlos –
I enjoy your articles, short and to the point to make you think.
In Buddhism we learn the difference between compassion and pity. Compassion is genuinely caring about others (that extends outside of your friends and family), as ’sentient beings’. Whereas pity is not a desired feeling, it results out of getting the reaction that says ‘oh you poor baby, that’s so sad’. Pity is essentially compassion, but with the wrong motives.
But, how can one write about their lives without being biased about their own life experiences? There IS a difference between personal experiences and total self-indulgence, but once you get writing, that line quickly blurs.
I left this out, but what is the goal of transparency? If it is to gain pity, then that is self-fufilling, but if it’s really to say ‘here is what happened, maybe you can take some sort of solace in it and help yourself’ that is a better cause.”
“A wise man speaks because he has something to say, a fool speaks because he has to say something”
Thanks for the kind words Ryan. That’s a great quote, thank you for sharing.
Whatever the reason for your transparency is, you’re still talking about you. It’s all about your goals. There’s nothing wrong with talking about you, just know that results may change.
Hi Carlos,
I think you really hit the nail on the head when it comes to justifying the need for business to be transparent to their customers. If we invest money in a product or service or contribute to a charity or non-profit, we want to see where that money is going.
However, I think the same principles exists within the idea of personal transparency. If we as an individual invest our time, energy or support in another individual, we expect a similar level of transparency. The main difference in this, I believe, is that personal transparency is and should be a little more selective, since it is based on a person-to-person exchange (hence “personal” in the first place), whereas public transparency (or business transparency as you suggest) is between companies, organizations and government institutions that are public entities. Therefore, it is necessary in the latter case for this exchange to happen on a public level–access automatically granted to all, and in the former case, for this exchange to happen on a personal, more direct level.
In both cases, the messages that are being communicated need to be targeted to their intended audiences and made available through the appropriate means by which their audiences wish to receive them and they feel comfortable providing them. This puts the responsibility back on the individual putting forth the effort to “be transparent”. But ultimately it doesn’t satisfy for your concern, it only provides another case for personal transparency.
So in the end, what responsibility do we then have as an individual seeking to build transparency for those interested, and what responsibility do we have as individuals who aren’t interested to be respectful for those that are? Also, who then decides what is appropriate to contribute and what is not? What role do others have in governing this? I think bigger questions come out of this…or am I digging too deep into the discussion?
Justin, what about me? There’s now way anyway could possibly know what’s going on in my personal life, but I’m being as transparent as I can be. I’m sticking with my statement, it’s just about not lying.
If you want to make friends, you can, it’s ok to share everything you want. Besides, there are many ways to take a relationship outside the blogosphere or Twitter and be honest and connect in a personal level. I know I have with many readers and followers.
Again, it’s all about your goals. Do you want friends or just talk to feel better, then there are no rules. But you can be transparent without ever being personal. Keep it straight, and you’re on your way.
I am so excited to discover more and more than I am not the only person in the blogosphere that does not enjoy Penelope Trunk’s posts. I keep trying to like them cause everyone else seems to be so interested, but truthfully I don’t care what 21 year old she is hooking up with or how her children are growing up “understanding” that they occasionally might not have electricity. Throw in her emulation of women “as leaders” based on her these frivolous agendas and I really have lost most of the shreds of respect I had.
Elisa – I would venture to say that a lot of people don’t actually enjoy Penelope’s posts because they are uplifting, but more because she’s like that reality show you watch because it’s so ridiculous. You watch just to be able to go, “OMG, SERIOUSLY!? That’s insane. Who does that!?”
I’m pretty sure the same applies to Penelope… you want to look away, but jesus, you just can’t.
That I can agree with…as I watch The Soup on E and see stuff about the pregnant Playboy bunny and Jon & Kate’s guy’s new girlfriend in drunken “without pants” video. Do you think she realized she’d be THAT transparent when she was on camera phone?!
Follow up: Why do you agree with Holly Hoffman’s amount of transparency, but not Penelope Trunk’s?
Is it because you like Holly more? Or, you feel like you know her more, she’s more accessible? I don’t understand how anyone can draw a line with transparency, since it’s all a matter of taste.
Where do you draw the line?
The line is drawn in the way you use your “transparency”. I don’t agree with being controversial for the sake of it, with consciously being a “reality show”, like you well put it. Mainly, when you give (what I consider) harmful advice under your transparency label.
Maybe you’re right though, maybe since I like Holly more I’m not being objective. But nevertheless, she has always been “conservatively” transparent. She tells you just what you need to know for you to get her message. Not additional info to scandalize people.
She tells you just what you need to know for you to get her message. Not additional info to scandalize people.
In that respect, AMEN. I agree completely and you said what has bothered me about this sort of transparency far better than I could.
Hi Carlos,
Thanks for following on Twitter. Otherwise I never would have found this post, which has sparked a great dialogue. I’m especially interested in this right now as I’m trying to define how to use my social media outlets (especially Facebook). This discussion has helped. I think it’s so important to have a clearly defined goal for everything you’re putting out there. Great blog. I’ll back.
But don’t we love to watch those train wrecks. The question is, do you want to sell out as a train wreck for more subscribers/traffic/etc?