Being realistic is the fastest way to mediocrity.

Sorry Will, but I disagree.

Realism has bad press, but it’s the best mindset to get things done.

We love to repeat over and over about how you need to stick to your dreams, about how you can accomplish anything you can imagine, and more cliche advice. This is what I call the “Disney Mentality” of our society. We don’t believe in what makes sense, we believe in what sounds good. And what sounds better than dreams? The best things happen there…

Not surprisingly, we usually don’t listen about all those dreams that never became truth, about all those “passionate” people that just failed.

There’s no merit in failing while pursuing something impossible. However, we are sticking to it.

Anything in the name of romance.

Anything in the name of this supposed heroism chasing impossibility brings.

There’s nothing easier, more mediocre and common than dreaming. Everyone has dreams. For example, it’s because of dreams that gambling works so well.

The reason we love to dream is because it gives people the feeling of acting. By keeping their dreams alive, they hold on to the idea of making them real eventually, without putting the required effort to make it happen. I may write, dream and talk about love and how I haven’t “found it” yet, but you know what might actually help? Shaving and going to the gym.

Not that romantic.

True realism does not let you dream. It needs you to act. There’s no justification for doing nothing if you are realistic, because you know that wishing and hoping gets you nowhere. True realism means seeing the world as it is, taking the good with the bad, and then doing something that can be done. It means changing what can be changed. Don’t confuse this with false realism (the most common kind), which consists on rationalizing one’s laziness.

Semantics indeed

Now, some might say that I’m sending the same message with different words.

And that’s exactly the problem.

It’s the choice of words what’s harming us.

The words and mentality that we use affect our actions. Someone who “works hard” will accomplish more than someone who “follows his passion.” The thing is, passion and dreams are much more appealing (and meaningless) concepts than hard work. This is why all these self-help books disguised as business advice are doing wonders: They are a manipulative fad that make people believe they are moving forward.

It’s by making everyone feel good about their lack of focus and concrete actions that Smith’s empty sentence sounds wise.

Bottom Line: Realism is a powerful and liberating mindset. With it, you’ll aim high and your shot will land somewhere.

You can subscribe to David’s blog here. Follow David on Twitter here.

David is a guy I respect enormously because of his integrity and the quality of his ideas. Thank you David for asking me to do this, it was a pleasure once again.

Do read my guest post “The Blur” here.

Reading a book has never hurt me in any way.

True, reading another book or another post can’t hurt.

But it can stall.

The question is simple: are you motivated?

If not, then you can read yet another self-help book that echoes the same message over and over.

If yes, then stop reading. You’ve read it all before, and you know it.

Save some time and money and go do something.

You can subscribe to Ophelias’ Webb here.

Elisa, one of the nicest girls I’ve met online, reached out to me to write a post about love for her blogging series “All you need is love.” I don’t usually write about this kind of stuff, but it was a good moment to show my cynicism regarding the topic. Thank you Elisa, I had a blast doing it!

Do read my guest post “Love Is Irrelevant.”

He compiled 30 young and promising bloggers’ definition of success and their way to achieve it, and created a very inspiring and quick to read ebook that will make you work hard to reach your success, whatever it means to you.

Download the free ebook here.

Here are my expanded responses:

What is success?

Success is living in your own terms, without regrets and regardless of societal achievements.

You can’t win such an ambiguous game without coming up with your own set of rules. Those rules will be your guide if you take the time and put the work to be serious about them.

Regrets of what you did and went wrong are life lessons. Regrets of what you didn’t do are poisonous nostalgia. When in doubt, always say yes. To keep moving, to keep acting, to keep risking is the only way to create an unbreakable and successful mindset.

Society will try to impose your goals. In most people’s case, it succeeds. You should ignore it consciously. Tell to yourself and others that your life belongs to you and not to history and its customs.

How do you achieve it?

You get there after questioning and realizing what matters to you, and by taking the required steps to make it real.

People’s values are either found by themselves, or supplied by the world. Avoid the latter. Take your time to question everything and create your own collage of relevancy. And believe me, it takes time. That’s why most people only have society’s printed copy.

Thinking hard is only half of the solution. Working hard comes next. Like Dr. Kelso once said: “Nothing in this world that’s worth having comes easy.” Now go out there and start doing the work.

Note: I have talked before about the timeless power of marketing, and how the world is not the best version of itself and never will be as long as connections and people skills are the ones who decide who reaches the top, instead of capability, talent and dedication. You can read my post on the topic here.

I encourage you to read Colin’s full post, but for now I want to quote this paragraph:

I would hazard to say that the great dearth of capable people in positions of power is one of the most unnecessary and harmful realities of the modern world. A fortunate few are able to leverage their abilities into notoriety and really reach their full potential, but most will never be able to do so, instead scrounging for food to stay alive while working on a cure for cancer or writing the next great philosophical treatise.

So my challenge to you is simple: this year, do everything you can to help other people succeed. Push those you know with talent and provide what assistance you can. Continue to work on your own endeavors, of course, but really make an extra effort to give others a leg up as well.

What interests me about Colin’s proposition, is that this seems to be happening more and more lately. We are collaborating in a different way.

The Change

Until now, collaboration has been focused on transactions. A win-win situation. Both give to get something in return.

The problem with that mentality is that it’s limited. There’s so much I can give to many, and there’s so much many can give to me. So, when one of the two can’t win, collaboration doesn’t happen. We have been prioritizing the gain, instead of the bond.

This is finally changing.

The future of collaboration is ego-less. In a world where people are becoming more economic and conscious of their resources (time, energy, money), there’s so much we can ask of them, regardless of what we give in return. A fair trade is not necessarily a needed trade. The only real way to create meaningful bonds and projects is to do it without expecting anything in return.

The real test comes when you have the opportunity to help someone with the previous knowledge that that person won’t be able to reciprocate. Paradoxically, the only way to do this consistently is to forget about the economic way of thinking. If you only act evaluating the reward and resources spent, you won’t contribute to this change.

The Meaning

There are many signs of society’s desire to make a change of mindset. For example, the reason we call it networking now instead of “doing business” is because there’s something shady about doing business. With business comes money, interests, conflict. With networking, we are highlighting the people instead of their profit potential. When you do business, you focus on what you can gain. When you network, you focus on how you can help (there’s still a huge expectancy of reward, but thankfully I’m seeing more and more events where “having fun” and “making friends” are the main values, with “doing business” taking a second place).

The future of collaboration is not longer about equality of status, rather than equality of consideration. You help anyone just because you can, not because they are a big deal or because you want to be on their radar. It’s not longer a matter of team, it’s a matter of them.

Just to clarify, this isn’t charity either. Charity happens either because of compassion, guilt, or a belief in a bigger goal. The future of collaboration is not nearly as rational as charity. You don’t do “because.” You just do. The emotional reward (and pain) of charity is immense. The reward of collaboration 3.0 may come eventually, but you have no logical reason to expect it.

And let’s not forget about technology and globalization. Where will we stop once this mentality and attitude spreads, once people leave their win part of the equation behind, once the whole world wants AND is able to help others?

Forget about the win-win and profit seek in a globalized and technological world of collaboration 2.0.

Collaboration 3.0 is a give-win situation, a beautiful “step back.”

PS: I know I sound like a crazy person. But the napkin had to be shared.

• Most people agreed with it. The ones that didn’t were, interestingly enough, personal branders or people who make money with personal branding in some way. Makes sense: if  my product was a rip off and someone would called me on it, I would defend it as well. But that wouldn’t make it any less of a rip off.

• Personal branders: if you guys can’t decide on the same definition, how do you expect us to take you seriously? Not one definition was repeated, and they ranged from “how to be  authentic” to “how to show others what you are good at,” with many more in between.

Do you think we care about what personal branding really means? We hate the term, period. Whatever it is, we decided that we don’t like it. Are you expecting to change our mind just by saying it means something else? Good luck with that. And even so, there are 15 other “personal branding experts” telling me something different.

I think we are better off just ignoring all of you.

You can ignore us as well but we are the ones making you money, so I would think twice about it.

• Instead of showing up in a defensive stance and telling us how clueless and wrong we are because we don’t really “get it”, how about listening to us, your customers, and making the necessary adjustments? Learn and adapt. Every industry changes eventually, why would Personal Branding be any different?

I remember a post by Seth Godin where he said that Malcolm Gladwell was wrong in disagreeing with Chris Anderson’s idea of “Free.”

Seth’s reply? “Who cares? It’s happening.”

Who cares if you don’t like or don’t agree with what we think about Personal Branding?

It’s happening.

You can subscribe to Buzz Marketing Daily here, and follow Carrie on Twitter here.

Thank you Carrie for letting me write for your very popular blog, it was a thrill and a pleasure.

Do read my guest post “The Simplest Social Media Rule” here.

Hey, Personal Branding, I have something to tell you:

I don’t care.

I just don’t care anymore. You have prevented me from having fun for the last time.

I bought my URL domain and secured a couple of social media profiles. Your job is done, I’m moving on now.

Because really, all that you’ve ever really taught us is stuff we already knew. Did we really need someone telling us how to be authentic or respectful?

Don’t tell me about those drunk girls that upload their pics on Facebook for everyone to see, or about those employees that publicly say that they hate their job. In reality, the problem is those people are just being themselves. The problem isn’t, “You’re awesome but because of that photo of you peeing on a dog while getting high, the company decided to go another way.” You were a mess to begin with. Do you really go showing that picture to everyone you meet?

This is not Personal Branding; this is common sense.

The two most harmful consequences of Personal Branding:

1) It makes you afraid. Not only afraid to speak up, be confrontational and even curse, like everyone does offline, but it also makes you afraid of taking life into your own hands. Personal Branding bases most of its points on not upsetting potential contacts, your interviewer, your boss, or anyone else who will decide if you “live or die financially,” depending on what they find out about you online. To hell with that: authenticity means upsetting people. Only by disagreeing and even fighting others will you do something worth talking about.

This does not mean being scandalous, this means being human.

2) It has made us so calculated, that I wonder how many people are able to live up to their online personas. Meeting online contacts in the real world has been very disappointing in many cases. What’s interesting is that the people who haven’t played the personal branding game, have been amazingly fun, interesting and wise.

Sadly, with all this forced authenticity, people are actually becoming fake. That’s why we love those people who speak their mind without worrying about the scandal. We envy them because they don’t over-think the repercussions.

To be honest, I’ve never been as fake as when personal branding was my top concern.

My advice: Do whatever you want. Your intuition will take you through the best path for you.

The funny thing about intuition is that it’s magnetic. When you trust your gut, you attract people that like what you do, what you say and the way you think. You attract the people that you need, the people that will help you. Yes, you also upset those that don’t– deal with it. There’s no shining without conflict.

Once I started not worrying about the repercussion of every word I said online, I truly connected at an emotional level with others.

Once I embraced my personality, I strengthened the connections that mattered and cut ties with those that didn’t.

Once I stopped caring, I started to actually have fun with social media.