When I started on Twitter it was about talking with my online friends from the US. It was about having deep debates. Someone would ask a question or share a link and many would reply. We used to have long talks between five or six people. It was good conversation.

Well, the conversation is dead.

Nobody is listening anymore, nobody is replying anymore, and everyone’s talking more than ever.

At some point earlier today, my stream showed 37 tweets with links in a row. Thirty-seven. Not one engagement.

I’m going to venture a guess on why this happened (and there’s no turning back):

Deaf Success

Success and deafness are positively correlated.

I’m not saying that my friends and I have all succeeded, but most of us have become more popular in the last year or so. More popularity means more people talking to you. The paradox here is that the more you connect, the more you ignore (that’s why I consciously keep my reciprocal relationships limited).

In other words, the more people you talk to, the less you talk to each of them. Unless you are broadcasting (not that there’s anything wrong with that).

Are you broadcasting?

Take It Outside

Most real one-on-one conversations between my friends and I happens outside of Twitter. But I still miss the debates and multiple conversations that used to happen inside.

Utilitarian Networking

Each new generation of social media users is usually the most active when it comes to conversation. Every six months or so, you see new bloggers join the scene and start engaging others aggressively and building their own networks. The thing is that once the utility of that network plateaus, people stop spending time in it.

We are utilitarians, which is great for business but sucks for friendships.

Conclusion

If there’s an entrepreneur out there that’s looking for a good business opportunity, then this is it. I want a tool that focuses regularly on conversations with people that are not necessarily friends, with less noise and limitations. And if this tool already exists, please let me know which is it, because Twitter doesn’t work for that anymore.

1. Make friends.
2. Promote them so they will promote you.
3. Screw them over/ ignore them/ use them/drop them while becoming friends with their friends.
4. Repeat as needed.

In no time, you’ll be praised for your community building skills thanks to those drone followers that are too blind to see the obvious manipulation, too needy to question your quality, and too afraid to quit your empty cheerleading message.

Isn’t social media great?!

Note: I have talked before about the timeless power of marketing, and how the world is not the best version of itself and never will be as long as connections and people skills are the ones who decide who reaches the top, instead of capability, talent and dedication. You can read my post on the topic here.

I encourage you to read Colin’s full post, but for now I want to quote this paragraph:

I would hazard to say that the great dearth of capable people in positions of power is one of the most unnecessary and harmful realities of the modern world. A fortunate few are able to leverage their abilities into notoriety and really reach their full potential, but most will never be able to do so, instead scrounging for food to stay alive while working on a cure for cancer or writing the next great philosophical treatise.

So my challenge to you is simple: this year, do everything you can to help other people succeed. Push those you know with talent and provide what assistance you can. Continue to work on your own endeavors, of course, but really make an extra effort to give others a leg up as well.

What interests me about Colin’s proposition, is that this seems to be happening more and more lately. We are collaborating in a different way.

The Change

Until now, collaboration has been focused on transactions. A win-win situation. Both give to get something in return.

The problem with that mentality is that it’s limited. There’s so much I can give to many, and there’s so much many can give to me. So, when one of the two can’t win, collaboration doesn’t happen. We have been prioritizing the gain, instead of the bond.

This is finally changing.

The future of collaboration is ego-less. In a world where people are becoming more economic and conscious of their resources (time, energy, money), there’s so much we can ask of them, regardless of what we give in return. A fair trade is not necessarily a needed trade. The only real way to create meaningful bonds and projects is to do it without expecting anything in return.

The real test comes when you have the opportunity to help someone with the previous knowledge that that person won’t be able to reciprocate. Paradoxically, the only way to do this consistently is to forget about the economic way of thinking. If you only act evaluating the reward and resources spent, you won’t contribute to this change.

The Meaning

There are many signs of society’s desire to make a change of mindset. For example, the reason we call it networking now instead of “doing business” is because there’s something shady about doing business. With business comes money, interests, conflict. With networking, we are highlighting the people instead of their profit potential. When you do business, you focus on what you can gain. When you network, you focus on how you can help (there’s still a huge expectancy of reward, but thankfully I’m seeing more and more events where “having fun” and “making friends” are the main values, with “doing business” taking a second place).

The future of collaboration is not longer about equality of status, rather than equality of consideration. You help anyone just because you can, not because they are a big deal or because you want to be on their radar. It’s not longer a matter of team, it’s a matter of them.

Just to clarify, this isn’t charity either. Charity happens either because of compassion, guilt, or a belief in a bigger goal. The future of collaboration is not nearly as rational as charity. You don’t do “because.” You just do. The emotional reward (and pain) of charity is immense. The reward of collaboration 3.0 may come eventually, but you have no logical reason to expect it.

And let’s not forget about technology and globalization. Where will we stop once this mentality and attitude spreads, once people leave their win part of the equation behind, once the whole world wants AND is able to help others?

Forget about the win-win and profit seek in a globalized and technological world of collaboration 2.0.

Collaboration 3.0 is a give-win situation, a beautiful “step back.”

Enjoy!

Bonding by Being Tied

The Story

I’m not going to name names, but there is a woman in Buenos Aires on a certain social network that is famous for trying to get all foreign visitors to go out to dinner with her.

This in itself is not a gripping story.

There’s no violence or sex.

There is, however, the potential for a very potent shared experience, something that is incredibly important if you want to be a skilled networker. A common story, a jumping off point in a new relationship; this is vital if you want to skip a few miles on the path to friendship.

This woman who I’m not naming has been the common thread in stories woven by a full dozen people that I’ve met since moving to Argentina, each with their own twist to add to the story.

The Telling

For my part, I knew that she emailed me 6 times, each message bearing some variation of “We go out for dinner and dancing on Friday. 10pm. Call me for details.”

Someone I had just met jumped into the conversation with her tidbit: “Oh my god, she did the same with me, and responded to any email back with the same message, but all in caps!”

Another girl, at a breakfast meeting the next morning, shared her experience. “I ended up going out and she and her friend barely spoke the entire meal. They just sat there and kind of looked depressed.”

A guy I met up with later in the day rounded out the picture: “It was really weird…like they were just scoping me and my buddy out to see if we were marriage potentials. The main chick was on a serious quest. When she apparently decided we weren’t the right fit, she started asking if we knew anyone who was the type of person she was looking for.”

“Oh I know,” said a girl I had just met at a coffeeshop who knew a friend of a friend. “She was hitting on my boyfriend until she realized we were together, and then immediately started quizzing us both, for names of potential husbands and their income levels. It was really flagrant.”

“But then we figured out her real purpose,” said a guy I’d spoken with a few times but was only meeting in person for the first time. “The restaurant she takes you to, and the dance club you go to afterward, both overcharge you to an insane degree. They take ‘gringo pricing’ to a new level. I’m sure she’s getting a kickback.”

And there it was. The full story was told, each puzzle piece falling into place from a different person’s individual experience.

The Lesson

The important thing to note here is not the social detective work, figuring out the restaurant woman’s intentions and methods for extracting money and potential mates from wealthy visitors to Buenos Aires.

What really matters is that a bond was formed with each and every person I spoke to about the topic. We had a shared experience, and though it wasn’t a war or being stuck in an elevator or anything intense like that, we still had a foundation pre-poured and ready for walking.

That step, which can be the most difficult to take, had been taken for us and was rock solid. This was another person who spoke to so-and-so and was also confused by the dinner/marriage lady! We’re basically family! Have a drink on me!

Now think about how this method can be easily applied to people outside of your geographic circle.

I’ve found, for example, that a shared experience online can be just as impactful as a real-world one.

The first time I met up with Carlos we already had so much in common I felt like we had been friends for a long time. We knew the same people, had similar reading lists, had similar ambitions and heroes; there wasn’t really a ‘getting to know you’ process – we already knew each other, we just hadn’t met yet.

The International Embrace

Embrace shared experiences where you can, and make use of the different avenues of communication that are available.

We live in an amazing period of time where it’s possible to hang out with the same clique, follow similar trends and be a part of the same storyline as people from the other side of the globe.

The people who helped me flesh out the story above were all from different countries, each tied together by the very fine thread of a social network, each willing to follow that thread to one another.

Make a personal resolution to follow more threads.

The more shared experiences we have and bonds we create, the more empathy we’ll have for our brothers and sisters everywhere. Find the right story and it becomes clear that we are ALL tied together and the artificial boundaries we throw up are just illusions.

• Most people agreed with it. The ones that didn’t were, interestingly enough, personal branders or people who make money with personal branding in some way. Makes sense: if  my product was a rip off and someone would called me on it, I would defend it as well. But that wouldn’t make it any less of a rip off.

• Personal branders: if you guys can’t decide on the same definition, how do you expect us to take you seriously? Not one definition was repeated, and they ranged from “how to be  authentic” to “how to show others what you are good at,” with many more in between.

Do you think we care about what personal branding really means? We hate the term, period. Whatever it is, we decided that we don’t like it. Are you expecting to change our mind just by saying it means something else? Good luck with that. And even so, there are 15 other “personal branding experts” telling me something different.

I think we are better off just ignoring all of you.

You can ignore us as well but we are the ones making you money, so I would think twice about it.

• Instead of showing up in a defensive stance and telling us how clueless and wrong we are because we don’t really “get it”, how about listening to us, your customers, and making the necessary adjustments? Learn and adapt. Every industry changes eventually, why would Personal Branding be any different?

I remember a post by Seth Godin where he said that Malcolm Gladwell was wrong in disagreeing with Chris Anderson’s idea of “Free.”

Seth’s reply? “Who cares? It’s happening.”

Who cares if you don’t like or don’t agree with what we think about Personal Branding?

It’s happening.

Hey, Personal Branding, I have something to tell you:

I don’t care.

I just don’t care anymore. You have prevented me from having fun for the last time.

I bought my URL domain and secured a couple of social media profiles. Your job is done, I’m moving on now.

Because really, all that you’ve ever really taught us is stuff we already knew. Did we really need someone telling us how to be authentic or respectful?

Don’t tell me about those drunk girls that upload their pics on Facebook for everyone to see, or about those employees that publicly say that they hate their job. In reality, the problem is those people are just being themselves. The problem isn’t, “You’re awesome but because of that photo of you peeing on a dog while getting high, the company decided to go another way.” You were a mess to begin with. Do you really go showing that picture to everyone you meet?

This is not Personal Branding; this is common sense.

The two most harmful consequences of Personal Branding:

1) It makes you afraid. Not only afraid to speak up, be confrontational and even curse, like everyone does offline, but it also makes you afraid of taking life into your own hands. Personal Branding bases most of its points on not upsetting potential contacts, your interviewer, your boss, or anyone else who will decide if you “live or die financially,” depending on what they find out about you online. To hell with that: authenticity means upsetting people. Only by disagreeing and even fighting others will you do something worth talking about.

This does not mean being scandalous, this means being human.

2) It has made us so calculated, that I wonder how many people are able to live up to their online personas. Meeting online contacts in the real world has been very disappointing in many cases. What’s interesting is that the people who haven’t played the personal branding game, have been amazingly fun, interesting and wise.

Sadly, with all this forced authenticity, people are actually becoming fake. That’s why we love those people who speak their mind without worrying about the scandal. We envy them because they don’t over-think the repercussions.

To be honest, I’ve never been as fake as when personal branding was my top concern.

My advice: Do whatever you want. Your intuition will take you through the best path for you.

The funny thing about intuition is that it’s magnetic. When you trust your gut, you attract people that like what you do, what you say and the way you think. You attract the people that you need, the people that will help you. Yes, you also upset those that don’t– deal with it. There’s no shining without conflict.

Once I started not worrying about the repercussion of every word I said online, I truly connected at an emotional level with others.

Once I embraced my personality, I strengthened the connections that mattered and cut ties with those that didn’t.

Once I stopped caring, I started to actually have fun with social media.

The part that still doesn’t work, that’s not as good as the previous situation. Yet.

They do that, because if they have any chance of stopping you, they have to cut you off at that moment.

Adjusting means usually ending up in a better situation. Maybe you are changing job, girlfriend, or moving to a different country. Whatever it is you are doing, it’s because you consider it the right move.

Cowards see it too, and therefore they acknowledge the little window opportunity that they have to make you stay as one of them. They need the company.

You have two choices: either don’t show them the adjusting part, or realize that most criticism comes at the point where they can still be skeptical.

Adjust accordingly to ignore them.

Social media is a prison.

It’s unnatural, we are not supposed to like everyone.

But we are trying.

The more you get involved in things like Twitter or Facebook, the more people you connect with, the more polite you have to be. Now, politeness is reaching a ridiculous level, where everything is awesome and everyone is cool.

You can’t tell someone you don’t like them or what they do.

One of the reasons for this, is the word “Friend.” Are we really buying that? Are we really considering everyone as a friend?

The problem with being “friends” with everyone you connect with, is that it makes you a prisoner. Everyone knows that “breaking up” with a real friend in real life, is not easy. Not impossible, but definitely not easy. Usually it happens over time.

But social media friends are not real friends. People shouldn’t feel obliged to keep that act going. People shouldn’t even give explanations. It shouldn’t be that hard.

I blame all those Personal Branding blogs.

Because of them, we are afraid.

Afraid of being honest and direct. Afraid of being human.

God forbid if we say or do something someone doesn’t like and then we are ridiculed by millions.

God forbid if we actually embrace conflict, one of the most natural aspects of man.

God forbid if we actually show ourselves how we really are.

We are lying to ourselves.

We are pretending to care more about the social part than the business/networking part.

Losing readership, customers, followers is not a social fear. It’s a fear of interests, of politics.

True relationships are not about politics.

Social media is all about politics.

- Integrity. People share other people’s content because that person shared their content first or because the relationship they have, not because of the value underneath. This is the biggest contributing factor to noise we have to tolerate nowadays.

- Credibility. If you think that everything is worthy of sharing, then nothing is.

- Audience. There’s a limit to how much noise people will put up with. Keep losing integrity (see above) and we will leave you.

- Respect. Integrity and credibility come before profit (money or other kind).

- Weak Ties. This is what online networking is 95% about. Being noisy means losing the connections that you worked so hard to have (even if they don’t tell you).

- Time. You are wasting ours and yours.

Forget the tools that make sharing easy, it must come with effort. That’s the only guarantee for value to beat selfish motives.

Remarkables are getting together.

You won’t see the results until it’s too late, but they are coming.

Ambitious nobodies wanting to thrive are finding each other. They realize that they can do it as a group. They are committing early.

Selfish reasons, honorable reasons, it doesn’t matter. They are understanding that cooperation is a must. So they cooperate.

It has nothing to do with age or previous achievements. It’s all about starting together.

They take off, and another group follows later the same pattern.

Without people realizing it, without making a huge buzz, they are flying away.

Ten years from now, where will they be?

The Flock is uniting. You want to fly with them.