I’ve talked about arrogance being somewhat positive before, but there’s one important reason why it can get you far:
Arrogant people don’t take advice.
It’s not that they don’t want to learn or grow.
It’s not that they don’t practice or work hard.
It’s not that they think they know everything.
They just trust themselves more than others. And I think that’s great.
Reasons why this is a good decision:
- When people give advice they may understand your actions, but your feelings and thoughts will never be as clear to them as they are to you.
Arrogant people know that they can be wrong. But so can others. They will consider what you’re saying, but they won’t give it more credit just because “we should listen to others.” They will give it credit if it’s really something new to them.
I’ve found that my mother for example, the person who knows me more than anyone in the world, has seen this knowledge decrease with the years. My true passions, values, interests and ideas of the world are becoming less and less understood and predictable by people around me. So, should we really follow others’ advice?
- People’s advice is affected by some very human limitations. To name a few:
- Familiarity. People consider “good” what’s familiar to them, what they are used to doing. Consider this when listening to advice.
- Interests. If we can learn something from Freakonomics, it is that people act differently depending on what they can get from it.
- Ignorance. Sometimes people just don’t know enough. But this hasn’t stopped them before.
- Fear. Sometimes people don’t want to see you happy. It can remind them how unhappy they are.
Here’s the thing: Arrogant people listen. They really do. But they understand that advice is overrated, because the information available to outsiders is insufficient and twisted. They see how wrong others can be.
Arrogance is about responsibility.
About being the cause of your victories and failures.
About feeling satisfied with your decisions and stop pointing fingers when something goes wrong.
Arrogant people, can always be held accountable.
Final Note: Language is incompetent. Don’t like the word arrogant? Suggest another one, invent one if you want. But let’s refrain ourselves from debating “definitions” and just get the underlying message.
{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
It’s unfortunate that people who understand that they are great and can offer something to the world are usually the ones most attacked. And it’s even more unfortunate that other people’s success is so threatening to others, instead of it being inspiring.
We are all unique and can offer something, but we act like it’s a race to the finish. You do your own thing. I’ll do mine. Let’s stop being able to take responsibility for both the good and bad aspects of our lives.
Amen sister. Hallelujah!
I’ve always preferred ‘confident’ over ‘arrogant’ because of the negative connotations, but you’re right in saying that the semantics don’t really matter; a lot of folks don’t like confident people, either, and all the same arguments apply.
I can’t tell you how frequently I’ve come across people who, consciously or subconsciously, have just tried to tear me down with snarky little comments or un-called-for insults about what I’m doing or how I’m doing it (usually it comes down to greed…they assume that because I live for myself first, I must be a greeeeedy person who, by not giving everything to them first, is a villain).
Unfortunately I don’t think there’s a whole lot that can be done about this right now. If these people don’t realize that it’s the confident, trend-setting folk who are creating the new technologies and ideas and keeping civilization afloat, then us telling them about it isn’t going to make things much better.
Your realism is heartbreaking, and that’s why I like you man. I’m just as harsh.
The “subconscious tearing down” is what worries me the most. Our moral values suck, and we don’t even see it.
Yay!
What an AWESOME post, and more specifically – something that I can totally relate to!
“Arrogant people know that they can be wrong. But so can others. They will consider what you’re saying, but they won’t give it more credit just because “we should listen to others.” They will give it credit if it’s really something new to them.”
I think the above is very true! Arrogance is a sign of confidence, something which says “You know what – I can carry myself as far as I want!”. At the end of it all – I think “arrogant” folk take the responsibility for every action and task which they commit (successfully or otherwise) – thats what put’s them at the top of the pile…. well generally!
Awesome post!
Nice to have you around Cookie Monster. First arrogant monster I’ve met to be honest
This is why I love your blog Carlos. You open my mind up to completely alternative ways of viewing things that I haven’t thought of yet (which is why I disagree with your decision to stop following Seth Godin).
Thanks for the insight. A very thought provoking take on arrogance.
Interesting Tim, would love to hear about your disagreement.
Thought-provoking, I’m all for it.
I think a lot of the value that comes with confidence is one’s ability to make decisions. Decisiveness is not an attribute that many enjoy. Having confidence in your ability to deliberate, regardless of the influence of others’ thoughts and ideas, is a powerful trait.
Of course, it’s always important to consider that there other angles, views, and opinions on every topic. No where in the definition of “consideration” does the word agree appear.
*Goes to look up the definition of “consideration” to see if that’s true…
@DavidSpinks
Fantastic David. No need to look for the dictionary, if it’s not true, then it should be.
Arrogant is fine. Screw the negative connotations. If you’re worried about that, then it’s not you.
I’m “worried” about having to read and reply to deconstructive comments from insecure people.
I think one of the most important things about arrogant people isn’t necessarily that they will concede when they learn something new, but also when someone causes them to view something in a different light. I’ve discovered that many arrogant people are sponges for information and learning. They soak everything in, build connections and formulate new dimensions to their ideas. They get to be arrogant because they have vested so much into those beliefs that they are solid and thorough.
Arrogance is when you don’t care about other people. Confidence is when you don’t care what other people think.
I think Ben Casnocha told me this.
Personally, I thrive on a mix of both.
I know you’re not saying that arrogance is that you don’t care “what happens” to other people. So, I don’t really see the difference between the two definitions that you mention.
I do think that a mix of both (yeah, not caring what they think, and also not caring what happens to them) is healthy.
PS: Are you friend of Ben? I admire his stuff.
Good post Carlos! I agree with you here and I get the point you’re making, although I would also chime in and make a distinction. There are different kinds of “arrogance.” Self-confidence and enough trust in yourself and your own ideas is a fantastic trait and those people go far. They are also accountable, responsible people. But then there is the kind of arrogance where someone refuses to acknowledge when they are wrong—the uninformed, short-sighted kind of arrogant person who always thinks he’s right and everything he does is great, even when it might be destructive to himself and others.
Anyways, great idea to put out there man!
Agreed my man. I think that I just wasn’t comfortable with the word “confident”, because that’s not what I was trying to say, but arrogance isn’t the right term either. Language is incompetent, whatcha gonna do?
I really enjoyed the comment on familiarity, and I find myself doing that most of the time. I would also say that arrogant people who also hold themself accountable are people with a healthy arrogance because they are also humble enough to admit their mistakes. In my line of work, it is my job, in my opinion, to constantly give feedback, and so I find myself going with familiarity because, in my arrogance, I know it to be true and have seen it work. That is not to say that there isn’t a better a way, it is just what I know at this point. But, I am also humble enough to admit when I am wrong. I enjoyed your post and commenting, and I think you have provided some insight for me to consider. Thank you.
P.S. I got here via Ryan Stephens who made a reference to your posting, on my post. http://www.thepitchersmind.blogspot.com if you are interested.