The best monologue about change I’ve ever heard. Thank you J.D.:
Things rarely go exactly the way you want them to, so sometimes you make due with whatever you can get.
Endings are never easy; I always build them up so much in my head they can’t possibly live up to my expectations, and I just end up disappointed. I’m not even sure why it matters to me so much how things end here.
I guess it’s because we all want to believe that what we do is very important, that people hang onto our every word, that they care what we think. The truth is: you should consider yourself lucky if you even occasionally get to make someone, anyone, feel a little better. After that it’s all about the people that you let into your life…
…And even though it felt warm and safe, I knew it had to end. It’s never good to live in the past too long.
As for the future, it didn’t seem so scary anymore. It could be whatever I wanted it to be…
And who’s to say this isn’t what happens? Who can tell me that my fantasies won’t come true… just this once?
In reality, you never know what’s going to happen.
Let go.
Enjoy the ride.
{ 1 trackback }
{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
I love this. I love this a thousand times over and so appreciate your posting of it. I read it twice, then read it again, and I want to print it out and keep it with me at all times because this is exactly the love-hate relationship I have with change.
I want to be one of those change-lovers that you talk about. I want to embrace it and learn from it, to look forward to the thrills and spontaneity of life. But I too often hold back out of a fear that I can never quite articulate — a fear of letting go because letting go might mean loss. And I hold on to what I have because I’m never quite willing for the ending of that something comforting, something good. I think–I know–that I’m a bit afraid of that, too.
Deep down in my heart I know that if you don’t give it a try, if you don’t let go and risk loss and heartache, then you never know what good might have been waiting right around the corner. Which is why I try to push through that fear and experience those changes anyway. It’s why I went away to college, though my anxiety attacks held me back. It’s why I went to France on my own, though I was afraid of leaving my place of comfort. You never know what you’re capable of until you take that risk. I’ll kick and scream and fight and curse every step of the way, but then, without fail, I’ll look back and say, “wow. It really wasn’t so bad.” Because change can be good. It’s that uncertainty part that sucks.
Thanks again for posting this Carlos. I know you speak a lot about change and I love that — love how you force me to recognize my own aversion to it and, consequently, to grow because of that. Great and timely post.