My friend Meghan introduced me to the concept Schadenfreude, which means “pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others.” This would mean that misery is derived from the success of others as well (also known as envy).
People criticize those that are happy, we all know that.
More will bash you, resent you and even hate you the happier you get. No news there.
What’s impressive to me, is how little people criticize you when you are unhappy.
Be no one, don’t shine, look sad, fit in the system, stay in the dark, and no one will mess with you.
It’s almost as if they will like you as long as you’re miserable like they are.
As with other aspects of our society, we have to see the stars fight mediocrity instead of mediocre people learning how to be a star.
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It’s no wonder we have more people attempting to fit in, rather than stand out. The battles we have to fight to stand out can drive most people to question just what the point of it all is.
I know I have. I’ve thought that it would be easier to just get a 9-5 and learn how to get by, instead of learn how to exceed. But then that’s just boring.
It’s always easier and boring not to exceed.
Interesting post, Carlos — and it speaks to a lot of truth. Though, that truth tends to suck, honestly. You know how I am by now — I want to believe the best in people. I want to believe that people will support you when you’re feeling low and be happy for your successes, cheering you on. Usually, the former happens; unless they are particularly invested in you as a friend, however, I’ve noticed that the latter rarely occurs.
Which is a shame.
This is dead-on: “It’s almost as if they will like you as long as you’re miserable like they are.” People like like things. People like to assimilate. As soon as you reach a status that’s different than theirs — no matter how hard they worked or who they are or what they’re doing — it changes your perception of them in a negative light. It brings out the jealousy and it brings out the comparisons. It’s easier, safer, to be around people on the same level as you. It’s less threatening.
Which is why I’ve begun to realize — and it took me a long time to realize — is that we can’t place our value on what others think. Learn from them, listen to them, but in the end, you control the light of your own star. Or something like that.
I love that one of your tags is stupidity, by the way. Awesome. Love this post.
Every one of your comments is always powerful Susan, thank you. you already know how I feel about most of what you say, but I do want to say that I agree on your last point: you control your own light. It just saddens me to see so many people in the shades…
I have seen some jealousy when I’ve had success, but I’ve also had many more people support me. I agree that some people want to put you down, but don’t feel it’s true as a whole.
The only problem I see with this post is that everyone will think they are the star and that everyone else is out to get them. It’s human nature to want to be the star of this story, rather than the mediocre person.
Interesting post.
Nothing is true as a hole. Also, don’t mean to be skeptical, but how many people would be honest to your face about their discontent regarding your success?
Also, I see nothing wrong about everyone thinking they are a star. Good, it’d make them fight more. But for some reason it doesn’t happen. They perceive injustice instead of lack of effort.
The truth sucks doesn’t it, but then again we try to avoid it as much as possible instead of facing it head on. Great discussion you got going Carlos!
I’ve recently witnessed this phenomenon first hand after being promoted into a new role I quickly found out who my real friends were in the process. As long as I struggled and suffered I had hoards of “them” around me like flies relishing in my misery. The moment I “chose” to leave the drama behind and move on and take the control back the barriers were up and I found I had less people around me I could trust and lean on.
This made me doubt myself and my abilities and start questioning whether I needed to fit in with everyone else, until I actually talked it through with someone who simply asked me “do you care or even respect these people anyway so why do you care what they think?”, it sounds too simplistic but I’d never thought about it that way, but to be honest I really don’t. I don’t give a hoot what they think so why should I hinder myself because of that.
Susan’s comment really struck a chord ” … we can’t place our value on what others think.” We just need to start giving ourselves more responsibility for placing that value.