I’m not saying that we all need to be superstars. In fact, I would venture to say that by societal standards less than 10% of us will achieve the “stardom” that we are foolishly taught is within our grasp if we “just try hard enough.” There are things that will just NEVER happen.

I *am* however saying that life is about more than superstardom and utter failure. How we approach the middle is where the problem with settling/accepting/adapting comes into play. It is much more tiring to live in a world where it is all or nothing instead of just striving each day to be the best at whatever you are setting your mind to.

Settling is what happens when stuff ceases to move. I will listen to your ideas most definitely, but unless someone compels me with a great arguement, I refuse to believe that a happy life is one that is not in motion.

Elisa- you play as much a part as you can in your circumstances, as was said, but you decide what that looks like. Our genetics are a hand we’re dealt…changing circumstances are often outside our power…but the outcome depends on how you respond to them, since the only thing you can truly change is yourself, by taking action or not. You choose your response to your environment/your own thoughts/emotions/people. And that choice is a highly adaptive power if you use it well.

Carlos- What is beautiful, but tiring?

We have to stop believing that we are all superstars. It’s creating ridiculous expectations.

Hey, it’s beautiful. But it’s tiring.

If your endeavor to be the best is an egoic (competitive/comparative) endeavor, it’ll take all the obsession and dedication you can throw at it. And that road ends and begins again with new fervor every time you fail at being the best. No balance there. Lots of ego responses to fuel your fire though, and lots of hopes/dreams/memories.

If it’s not an endeavor of ego, then it’s about what’s beneath your ego. You (unless you think you are your ego, which I’m sure makes it happy)….which is a whole different ballgame, but I’ll elaborate a bit.
Though you may pursue it with great passion, your endeavor would be more than being the best at one thing compared to others, but being the most perfect ( or best) you possible, right now, because the past moment has faded and the future has yet to come. It’s the realist (but also opportunist) sense of being the best, I guess.

Being the best in this sense is challenging because it requires self honesty and a detachment from the egoic sense of best– by comparison. In all generality, unless you are being the best you, you are not the best, no matter what you achieve. Seems like a tall order, but that’s coming from a martial artist…and we’re all into that mind/body/spirit stuff and that requires balance…

I don’t think you’re off on the balance thing, just some differentiating needed. Balance cannot occur in a freely roaming mind. Funny that we’re enhanced with such a thing as the mind. As its function is only to be in use, it will run you with anything that achieves its continued use – unless you exercise your choice to harness it for your intentions. We do this when we work math problems, but have a harder time governing its paths when it incites our emotions. When it reacts to people/change/situations, etc…, the mind’s response is to maintain its functioning, thus ego–the constant mental identity. Problem is, what usually maintains the ego’s functioning is focusing outside the present moment, where you have the option to control it, or NOT use it; and on whatever thoughts/emotions perpetuate it, which may or may not suit your intention.

But in your dictation of its function, you use the mind as a tool for your intentions. Now you have the opportunity for balance, if you so choose it.

“Is it that we can’t survive particular circumstances? Or is it that we don’t want to?”

The difference between the two seems to be the crux of the settling matter. Is settling a decision that is forced upon us or one we choose to make? Circumstance dictates outcome, but how much of a part do we play in it?

Isn’t that REALLY where happiness comes into play?

Two words: American Idol. Some of the most tone deaf mother f*s think they can be a pop star. Yeah right.
Wheelchair handicaps. If your legs don’t function, you can’t walk. (hope that wasn’t too extreme)
Sometimes it’s just not in you. Accepting that fact helps us redefine reality, instead of living under the illusion that *someday* we will become … like the hope game you mentioned.

But other times we don’t WANT to put effort towards being the best/outlasting. Here’s where our choice rules our experience. Carlos could well be on his way to the World Cup, but if he doesn’t want to be a super star soccer player, he doesn’t have to be…or he’ll just be a really unhappy s.s.s.p.
I think I’d call that settling, if we’re playing semantics-being really unhappy, despite your ability to change/choose. But that’s only if happiness is your desire. (and let’s be honest, it is, cause it feels good…though your ego might have you thinking otherwise in its stubbornness)

A choice’s connotation is only negative if we make it so. It’s not “settling” to lack circumstances. In fact, I think it’s more of a “giving up” to be frustrated in that lack. Facts are facts. We like to think everything is up for negotiation, and in our possibility/option-laden society, it certainly seems that way.
Ultimately, it’s not your circumstances that play the game; it’s you, right? And how you feel is a big factor in your momentary experience. As was mentioned, 200 yrs ago you didn’t see folks crying about settling in marriage, housing, career etc. The times (and the weather!) dictated what you could do and what you had. You could enjoy life, or not.
Choose to feel good, and no one can say your life was a compromise, giving up, settling (whatever), because chances are, you merely choose better than they did. (apologies for the length. I know Carlos could use 5 words to sum this up )